When I grow up I want to always be creative.
I believe in tall tales, white lies and hyperbole but above all else I believe in honesty. I believe that what doesn’t kill you makes you stranger but I don’t believe in clichés. I believe in happy ever afters but I just don’t think it will ever be how you planned it. I believe in obsessively making plans but never sticking to them.
I believe in the moment. We are young and alive and anything can happen, seldom is there not an adventure to be had, I believe in the hero quests, I am a superhero.
I believe in daydreams and I cherish my imaginary friends in my head and the stories we tell together when others don’t wish to play. I believe in those that will follow me into absurdity, the make believe. I believe in job lists and crossing out, the desire to accomplish something/anything, the horror of the ticking clock and the boredom of the unimaginative. I believe in Clacton on Sea, The Isle of Wight and it’s coloured sands, I believe in All Tomorrows & Secret Garden Parties, Silent discos, Berlin and LA.
I believe in passion, vibrant, heart aching, eyes wide, arms flailing passion, the urgent all encompassing desire to have your view acknowledged, commended and validated by another living soul. I believe in passion, screaming, throwing, smashing – all consuming passion. I believe in the exhaustion of caring so much it hurts, I believe it has to be a struggle. I believe conflict makes a story and I want my love to be a tale.
I believe in hedonism and never knowing when to call it a night. I believe in the opportunistic binge, in staying up, no sleep, walking home in last night’s clothes the next morning. I believe in living for the moment but keeping an eye on the horizon, don’t get lost but never be truly found. I believe you don’t have to like me and I won’t change for you to do so, I don’t apologize for this.
I believe in the game and the winner and the drive to win and come out on top. I believe in the power struggle and the tactical maneuver but I also understand how to NOW be the bigger person and I want the win but I pick my battles.
I believe making your way in the world today takes everything you’ve got.
I believe my brain has trouble remembering my existence and I don’t want to forget, not even the bad.
I believe regret means you aren’t happy with where you are and to regret is a wasted emotion.
I believe I will get what I deserve but I hope I think I’m worth it. I believe in promiscuity and saving yourself but I believe that it’s your choice, choose wisely. I believe in dreaming.
I believe in Autumn, in fireworks and sparklers held in gloved hands, in foil covered jacket potatoes and guessing the colour of the bangs before they explode, all cramped on the edge of the bedroom window sill. I believe in witches and Halloween and magic and the macabre.
I believe in the shorthand of favourite films, books and music, we agree on one tiny fragment of the world, so you’re alright by me. I believe to make a friend, you have to befriend a stranger and if you don’t agree, we probably won’t be friends. I believed in Coney Island’s wooden roller coaster, the vacant house on the hill they bulldozed down, the swing at my park and my Hollywood Boulevard swag.
I believe in the power of the transformation and not to fear standing out in a crowd. I believe in my own existence, if I fall and no one sees, I still make a sound. It may be a small whimper, a banshee scream, an uncertain mumble, an apologetic shrug, an inappropriate utterance, a dry sarcastic quip, a putdown, a mean word or a flat out hateful phrase. I shall make a sound and be heard.
I believe in breaking down the facade, I believe in the ugly broken irregular truth, my truth is all I have and it’s yours, you only have to ask. I believe what I want, I truly want but I believe this is only of the moment and my mind/mood/attitude can turn 180° with the simple intake of air. I believe I am a flake, a passionate unbending flake, I know my own mind until I don’t. I believe it’s better to be missed than be too available but I believe I need you whenever I need you and you have to be there, I am a walking contradiction.
I believe in not keeping my vinyl or comics in plastic covers, I believe in dog-eared corners and scratches, DVD’s well watched that won’t play. I believe in scars, scars to tell the story and prove I’m alive. I believe in the pleasure of giving dead arms and the pain of receiving them.
I believe in the new discovery.
I believe life can & will always be interesting. We have time to have this adventure.
| OOOOOOO | DAYDREAMING | OOO | PATIENCE |
| OO | DOING ONE THING AT A TIME | OOOO | LOSING AT BOARD GAMES |
| OOOOOOOOO | HONESTY | OOOOOOO | LIST MAKING |
